The Novice Submissive in the BDSM world

Any relationship has its ups and downs. Sustaining a relationship over time requires communication, compromise, and cooperation. Of course, when practicing BDSM, the dominant usually has the majority vote. Many submissives are aware of that and accept that negotiations usually require the dominants approval. A novice submissive may be unaware of these subtleties that make a BDSM relationship between a dominant and submissive dynamically different than Vanilla.

Fantasies are ethereal. They are wisps of ideas that glide through short-term memories throughout the day. Some are stored in long-term memories that endure and repeat. In BDSM, erotic submission is one such fantasy. It involves submitting to someone else and obeying them. The Novice Submissive is one of many submissives in the BDSM world that try to find that one person who will cooperate with the submissive needs. Those submissive needs are varied and plentiful. To find an ideal dominant is the first task of the novice submissive. In BDSM, the safe, keeping it safe,sane, and consensual are the biggest obstacles that render the novice submissive massive difficulties.

Fantasies span every idea that spawn creativity but most creations don’t live up to the original ideas. There are all sorts of obstacles that confront reality. Any person has to pay their dues to reach their goals. Not everyone (actually a precious few) reach the comfort, security, and recognition in their chosen professions and hobbies. One ingredient to success is relationships; connections with peers to aid progress and competition.

Many relationships form out of reciprocal altruism. It is basically a type of helping behavior among two or more people that is perpetuated when one individual helps another. These are generally superficial relationships and often share no more intimacy than “I’ll help you if you help me.”  Reciprocal altruism is likely one of the key factors that helped promote evolution through thousands of years. When one helps another, it helps shared successes amidst adversity. Reciprocal altruism is a quasi dominant/submissive relationship of one hand washing the other. It is what BDSM practitioners consider Vanilla but, most BDSM people, have vanilla aspects in their lives.

Being the novice submissive, entering a BDSM relationship is a leap from  the Vanilla reality into a maze of different colors from bright to dark. There are millions of colors and variations. BDSM is far from the average scene. Any relationship between a dominant and a submissive is extremely unique among relationships as a whole. Dominants outnumber submissives at over 1,000 to 1 in a BDSM world. In Vanilla, dominant and submissive relationships are more commonplace. The difference with BDSM is there are more overt erotic tones.

A novice submissive confronts many barriers in finding satisfying relationships. While there may be many latent dominants, few superficial relationships allow those latencies to be explored. With obsessive fantasies, the novice submissive begins to explore fringe avenues on social media in virtually futile attempts to find a willing companion.

Meeting online has its challenges even among basic interests. When BDSM fantasies are involved, the odds are even more diminutive. There are innumerable odds. A submissive may think that the act of volunteering submission to a dominant is a magnificent gesture, The dominant may not agree. In addition, dominants (and especially attractive dominants) may see the volunteer gesture as trivial. Furthermore, what the dominant seeks may not be addressed by the submissive’s fantasies. What must the novice submissive do? Is the dominant willing to train the submissive? The laws of attraction are complicated and the novice submissive has many more laws to follow.

While BDSM has many connections with fetishes, many will not comply with those fantasies of submissives, especially novices. Instead of leather, latex, or rubber, it may be street clothes. That is, of course, if that novice submissive manages to gain entrance.

I often recommend that a novice submissive find a professional dom or a dominatrix first. They are generally not prostitutes. There is no definitive sex involved in most cases. Rates are by the hour, usually a $200/hour tribute (or more). Professionals are discrete. They often are found in residential and financial urban areas. Almost any city may have at least 12 to choose from.

These professionals may often have or have access to rather complete dungeons. They will also discuss what type of fantasies you have and what type of scene you want to play. As professionals, they have clothes to match any fetish interest.

You can find them in online sites where they advertise. Try to read reviews. The Hang at Max Fisch. is a place where many professional dominants hang out along with their submissives. You may contact them in “threads” to find more specific information. I do not provide those types of services and rely on establishing local relationships exclusively.

These professionals know how to temper and tamper with a novice submissive. They will also push your envelope to make it inviting for your return business.

Experience under a professional may help you get into the BDSM social scene. They might recommend you to other players in the scene. Some of these meet at Munches that are local gatherings at restaurants for group meetings.

The novice submissive must first learn the basics and create an impressive resume. Meeting a dominant for a relationship will be very much an interview. Your performance will be measured and graded. Expect rejections but you might pass.

Breaking into the BDSM world is often more difficult than getting Actor Equity membership. You can only audition in Equity productions if you are a member. You can only be a member if you appear in an Actor Equity production. That’s why most actors are waiting tables. Some might be dominatrices.

As a novice submissive, you really need to get away from being a novice. Getting experience is a route best served if you see a professional. It is your school to help you attain proficiency and attraction to those dominants you seek.

Vanilla (or anything in between) requires training, skills, mindfulness and many other things to excel in recreational and professional paths. A novice submissive requires these and more to reap acceptance in the selective BDSM reality.

If a submissive is lucky, finding the perfect dominant to love, honor, worship, and obey is more realistic. The novice submissive in the BDSM world needs experience before entering the scene and must be able to think and adhere to the guidelines and rules of BDSM and the dominant without fault.

A submissive’s initiative has written and compiled a rather comprehensive guide any submissive inclined individual should refer to. After that I suggest another website loaded with information by dominants and submissives.

Marriages are relationships that are legally bound. General statistics indicate that over 50% of these dissolve within 7 years. That’s vanilla. The dominant/submissive relationship is very special but (even with specified roles) may also be fragile. A novice submissive has no place in such a dynamic relationship.

As with all novices, the novice submissive must be taught and must learn what it really means to submit beyond fantasies. Then you may be ready to find your own niche in a relatively small and discerning community that is not “porn” but very real relationships. You can find true love and live happily ever after – unless you’ve been bad!

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The Novice Submissive in the BDSM world

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